Things called Pride and Happiness

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Most people that know me might have wondering, why am I desperately trying to behave, creating things, or maybe think radically.

Maybe everyone would say and think the same thing like what I just said, especially youngsters. It is obvious that being young made us wanting to be different, to be emerge, to be special.

I am still young and I do wanted to be different while dreaming about being last forever.

But why do we all wanted to be different? Well for this one, I believed that I have a significant different reason than other youngsters. Then what is it?

Let's first talk about happiness. What is happiness? my definition for happiness is a pleasant feeling of being in certain conditions.

For parents, their happiness are their children, when their children born, when they children achieve something that can make them proud, etc.

For lovers, happiness is when they're being with their loved ones, while sharing something with their loved ones.

For scientists and professors, when they discovered or invented something new from their long tiring research.

So many kinds of happiness..

For me, happiness is when I'm doing something that I really wanted to do. It's something that I can be proud for because I'm putting myself into it.

I don't mind all these restrictions or even skeptical faces that people gave me because of my actions.

I have a bad habit for doing difficult things while I can did it in an easier way. I can just take the easier way, but mostly I did a more difficult way.

Why? Maybe because I wanted to prove myself.. Or maybe the easier way didn't make me interested enough to took that way. Maybe in the next time when there are changes in my interests and considerations that made me more interested in doing things with that particular way (which also would have turned more difficult.. Yeah, yeah, it's the domino effect of chances and it's mechanism).

For example, why am I doing a design work that's definitely put me into a disadvantaged position?

That's because I wanted to do it!

Why bother, doing things that we don't wanted to?

Is it because most people are afraid to take risk? As for my people, Indonesian, we have a wise words that saying, "jangan mengharap hujan dilangit, air di tempayan di curahkan", literally means, "don't hope for the rain to come, and threw away the water in the jar".

That wise words means, don't threw away any chances available just because we are expecting the best to come.

Well yes, it teaches people to be realistic, to play safe. That's why most people are okay by only having (what they called) enough water in the jar, than tons of water out there which amounts are incomparable to the jar..

That's why most people only took chances available, not trying to get what they body and mind tells them to do and get what they really want!

As for me, I don't want to play safe, it's a real discomfort when I'm into something that I'm not interested into. I'd rather failing than success in something that I'm not.

I always trying to do what's my best interest is. I am a proud idealist.

I know that sometimes I have to become more realistic in certain conditions.

However, I did these realistic things on my own ideal way, that's when I clashed with a greater reality that's swallowed my gut and spirit of an ideal thing I dreamt.

Most of the times I tried to think and put myself in a condition where I can revise and reconsider all these actions I made. Lots of regrets, indeed.. But I don't mind, because I'm doing what's my best interests are.

It is true that best interests may change in time and by the influences of other people. These things also made me think, what my best interests actually are?

I always trying to do filtering on all those influences I gained from other people that might obstruct my views and my best interests.

Sometimes I said to myself, "is this really what I wanted...?"

These grey hairs in my head might be produced from those thoughts. I am a perfectionist, I'd like to do something in perfection.

I know that nobody could do things perfectly or lived in perfect ideals.

I do build fake personalities, because I thought that I can't achieve perfection.

Watch my words, it's personalities, not personality.. Yes, I do build multi-layered of personalities.

I believed that even the most honest me is still a lie..

Let's wrap it it up. It is obvious that the reason why I do things differently because I'm happy just by doing it. It is the happiness for me..

When I'm into something that are my best interests, I don't mind if people destroy me, because I believed, in the end, when I achieved the perfection in the future, I can be proud of it and I can brag about it to everyone.. Hurrayyy!!!