(Im)possible extend

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

For eons, humankind has always been obsessed with immortality.

Why are we so obsessed with it? Is it because we don’t want to leave mortal world? Or maybe because the fear of death? Or fear of what will happens after we die?

Actually, the answer is so simple, it’s because immortality is something that we could not achieve..

It is because of our natural behavior and fact that reality isn’t as beautiful as what we sees in pictures, movies, books, stories, dreams, etc.

We always wanting something, and we always wants what we can’t have. It’s just like dream, dream is not a dream anymore if it’s become true..

This is something that I believed..

We actually can find a way to immortality, but God wouldn’t allow us to.

Remember, God create men in His own image. We are actually the personification of God.

God create the earth and the heavens. And we create our homes and machines.

God create us, human, and we create robots.

Maybe it’s just this simple, we are actually a system made by God, a very intelligent one. Just like in computers, we create a program, an intelligent program.

We could think creatively, because God made us that way. Just like how computer nowadays can think with it’s own artificial intelligence from programs we wrote.

We could heal ourselves from wounds, we could replicate ourselves and many more. Just like how computer programs could fix themselves if there’s any error in the system, and they could even replicating themselves (like computer virus and other similar programs).

That means, we are actually like computer programs to the user, God.

And this is the point..

We actually develop such technology that would theoretically made us immortal, or even bring people back to live. Bring people back to live? Is it possible? Maybe, since we are actually a consciousness system ourselves, then these consciousnesses might be exist somewhere after they leaves our mortal body after we dies, only God knows and have the power to access and do things to these consciousnesses (or system).

I believed we are able to gain the technology, but then, only God who able to decide whether these consciousnesses are allowed to return into mortality (if we’re attempting to revive), or maybe preserves our body and soul into immortality (if we’re attempting to gain immortality.

But then, Let’s just back to the relationship between God as the user, and us as the programs.

Remember ugly Window Vista security program that always ask us when we’re executing another program? It would ask us, the user, to allow or not for the program to run?

Then it’s up to the user to let the program work or not!

It’s up to God, whether He allow us to revive a person, or maybe live forever. We may have the ability to build the technology to do it, but the user decides.

Of course God can also do these things even without us, and our technology that are much inferior to God. It’s just like how the user or programmer execute a program or wrote a new program for the computer.

There are the examples,

Remember the prophet Isa (in Islam or Yesus in Christian, since the Moslem actually believed that Yesus is not God or maybe son of God, but a prophet), granted a miracle by God to revive a dead person?

Also Shaitan or Satan, whose wish is granted by God to live until the end of the day?

Why God wouldn't allow us to revive people? or gain immortality?

Because it will bring us the ultimate sin, which was done by Satan himself..

'The Pride'..

We will be too arrogant to accept that there is a supreme being, called God that has created us. Since we are able to live forever and revive a dead person.. We would think that we, ourselves is the God..!

Remember Dajjal or the Antichrist, the false Messiah who will come before the end of the day..?

He, who actually is a human that granted to live until the end of the day and given the power by God to revive a dead person.

The power has made him arrogant, 'The Pride' has born within his heart, and he refuses to accept God as his supreme creator..

Let's just wrap it up.. No matter how hard we try, if it’s without any allowance from God, we could never made it..

Even if we are made by His own image, we are just His creation. A creation can never beat the creator!

Just like us and our creation, I don’t believe that we, one day might be ruled by robots, by machines, just like in many science fiction stories with apocalyptic future..

Well, even in those stories, we humankind, are who in the end won against the machines, against our creations. Which also means, we can never surpass God, our creator..

note: I’m touching a bit about religion here, but I didn’t wrote this with any offensive materials or means to other religion. Because actually I didn’t wrote any of these, it’s just different names or terms (called by different religion) for the same thing.

Viable Visions

Thursday, February 12, 2009

I like watching star wars, I like both the original and prequel trilogy..
And I really like the character Darth Vader.
How he transformed from the Anakin Skywalker, chosen one to the dark one, Darth Vader.
Given with the highest midi-chlorian counts, and many potential skills. Especially the vision of he future he had..

The fear he builds from his vision, provocations and conspiracy from Darth Sidius have turned him into the Dark Side.
His choice to follow what his heart says would result such a massive change in his role (but his fate doesn't change).
What an amazing story..!


Actually, I don't know if I'm just inspired by it..
Or maybe it's just really the way it is..

I sometimes saw vision of the future..

And, one by one, it did happened! Well not exactly how I saw them, but majority, yes!
Sometimes they came through dreams.. And sometimes..
Through imagination..
Like I'm the one who’s carving it, I told myself what would happened next and it become one concrete picture of what the future would looks like, or what would happened in the future..

Well, it’s not like the visions of Anakin Skywalker about his mother's and his wife’s death..
But these vision I had, also quite a bad moon rising..


Sometimes I wonder, do we all chained by fate?
Since I have had many series of coincidence, which I considered too packed, or it happened in such a weird mechanics.

If these visions I had are what to be happened, or maybe what we called ‘fate’. And we cannot changed them..
Then life is meaningless..


I had (or maybe, I carved) some terrible visions.
And I saw it's happened each day, each night, one after another.
Will it eventually end the way I saw them?

It's just like saying,
"Why do we build, knowing everything is destructible?"
"Why do we live, know everyone will die in the end?"
My visions mostly are all about those unpleasant future where I sometimes saw that I didn’t win anything.

Why should I worked, I studied, I lived, I woke and sleep everyday, I ate, I put myself as part of the society (which I hate)..
If in the end, I win nothing?

Fuck, why should I?
Isn't the world is give and take?
Then I'd pay any amount, just let me take something in return.

Does the singer, Morrissey, were right when he's saying "I decree today's life, is simply taking and not giving"?

Hell yeah, that old man got a point there!!!


Or maybe, it’s the power of the mind?
I recently believed that human, had a very special gift from God.
We could do everything just by thinking of it!
In simple way, It’s called motivation. Which drove us to work, so we can gain what we wanted.
But in a an advanced way, we could even bypass the ‘work’ process to get the result we wanted.
We could even manipulate life..!
But it would only happen if someone with such strong mind power is willing to manipulate the life itself.

And yes, maybe it’s because I’m carving it with my mind unconsciously and consciously.
That’s sounds crazy, but that’s the way it is!
I have such weird imaginations, and unfortunately..
All those unpleasant things I imagined about the future are coming to life, because of my own mind power.. Ironic..

Possible? Possibly.. (Fuck my head, and all it's contents and thoughts of unpleasant future!)

Back to Anakin Skywalker, he drowned to the dark side of the force to change the future. To change the fate that is going to happened in his vision..
And the question, can it be changed? Because actually, Anakin's own changes into Darth Vader is one of his vision he saw in his earlier life.
Which means, he changed nothing at all..

What about me? My visions are coming to the reality, each of them..

Count Dooku said to Anakin, "you have fear, you have anger, but you don't use it"

I do have both of them, accumulated each days in my head..

Then, should I turn into another Darth Vader?

Things called Pride and Happiness

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Most people that know me might have wondering, why am I desperately trying to behave, creating things, or maybe think radically.

Maybe everyone would say and think the same thing like what I just said, especially youngsters. It is obvious that being young made us wanting to be different, to be emerge, to be special.

I am still young and I do wanted to be different while dreaming about being last forever.

But why do we all wanted to be different? Well for this one, I believed that I have a significant different reason than other youngsters. Then what is it?

Let's first talk about happiness. What is happiness? my definition for happiness is a pleasant feeling of being in certain conditions.

For parents, their happiness are their children, when their children born, when they children achieve something that can make them proud, etc.

For lovers, happiness is when they're being with their loved ones, while sharing something with their loved ones.

For scientists and professors, when they discovered or invented something new from their long tiring research.

So many kinds of happiness..

For me, happiness is when I'm doing something that I really wanted to do. It's something that I can be proud for because I'm putting myself into it.

I don't mind all these restrictions or even skeptical faces that people gave me because of my actions.

I have a bad habit for doing difficult things while I can did it in an easier way. I can just take the easier way, but mostly I did a more difficult way.

Why? Maybe because I wanted to prove myself.. Or maybe the easier way didn't make me interested enough to took that way. Maybe in the next time when there are changes in my interests and considerations that made me more interested in doing things with that particular way (which also would have turned more difficult.. Yeah, yeah, it's the domino effect of chances and it's mechanism).

For example, why am I doing a design work that's definitely put me into a disadvantaged position?

That's because I wanted to do it!

Why bother, doing things that we don't wanted to?

Is it because most people are afraid to take risk? As for my people, Indonesian, we have a wise words that saying, "jangan mengharap hujan dilangit, air di tempayan di curahkan", literally means, "don't hope for the rain to come, and threw away the water in the jar".

That wise words means, don't threw away any chances available just because we are expecting the best to come.

Well yes, it teaches people to be realistic, to play safe. That's why most people are okay by only having (what they called) enough water in the jar, than tons of water out there which amounts are incomparable to the jar..

That's why most people only took chances available, not trying to get what they body and mind tells them to do and get what they really want!

As for me, I don't want to play safe, it's a real discomfort when I'm into something that I'm not interested into. I'd rather failing than success in something that I'm not.

I always trying to do what's my best interest is. I am a proud idealist.

I know that sometimes I have to become more realistic in certain conditions.

However, I did these realistic things on my own ideal way, that's when I clashed with a greater reality that's swallowed my gut and spirit of an ideal thing I dreamt.

Most of the times I tried to think and put myself in a condition where I can revise and reconsider all these actions I made. Lots of regrets, indeed.. But I don't mind, because I'm doing what's my best interests are.

It is true that best interests may change in time and by the influences of other people. These things also made me think, what my best interests actually are?

I always trying to do filtering on all those influences I gained from other people that might obstruct my views and my best interests.

Sometimes I said to myself, "is this really what I wanted...?"

These grey hairs in my head might be produced from those thoughts. I am a perfectionist, I'd like to do something in perfection.

I know that nobody could do things perfectly or lived in perfect ideals.

I do build fake personalities, because I thought that I can't achieve perfection.

Watch my words, it's personalities, not personality.. Yes, I do build multi-layered of personalities.

I believed that even the most honest me is still a lie..

Let's wrap it it up. It is obvious that the reason why I do things differently because I'm happy just by doing it. It is the happiness for me..

When I'm into something that are my best interests, I don't mind if people destroy me, because I believed, in the end, when I achieved the perfection in the future, I can be proud of it and I can brag about it to everyone.. Hurrayyy!!!

Orders, Da Vinci, and Myself

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I admired Da Vinci and his works, everybody does.. But honestly, beside my admiration to his works, I hate him as well.

Most people will ask, why? The reason is, envy, jealousy, yes it is..

We all know how great Da Vinci is, how he think far off to the future than the people from this era. But it's just unfair, all these inventions, ideas, and works he did, most of them are brilliants. And it all came from one man, Leonardo Da Vinci.

And people today always think Da Vinci as a gifted person. Maybe he is, but now, just listen..

I was working on an architectural assignment few months ago, I was tasked to design a teahouse on a hilltop in a place where most of the people, works on the tea plantations around.

Considering that most people there works on tea plantations, which the tea might have considered as treasure for them. Based on the idea of tea as treasure cued me into the idea of sinking-cantilevered teahouse on the edge of the hilltop.

I did planning based from the form of two rotated rectangles, not squares (the shape of Star of Bethlehem, like the plan idea for Petronas Twin Tower in Kuala Lumpur), and these rectangles are not actually fit into each other, I modified the geometric shape in order to solve the problem of limited space given while I'm trying to solve other problems as well.

Then I added the entrance of which inspired from the Apple Store in Madison Square, NY. The glass box structure and a staircase that leads people into the store, or my teahouse in this case.

The studio master approved this idea, but he insisted me on having symmetrical two squares planning like the Petronas Twin Tower than two rectangles planning that I did. Because the entry stairs I planned to made were spiral stairs, he said it would be much nicer if it's located in the middle of such symmetrical planning.

I believed that he is right, but he forgot the maximum space he gave for this particular building. I'm not that's stupid enough to do this kind of planning if he space weren't this limited and the terrains are fit enough for the idea he insisted me on.

Well that's not the problem.. The real problems came on the presentation day.

Okay, I wrote all the descriptions and titles not using architectural fonts, not even standard fonts, I created my own fonts that looks a bit like symbols and I inverted the title like the Da Vinci writings. I did this on purpose, because this tea house I designed came up from the idea of 'treasure'.

I remembered my studio master said that he wanted a unique presentation, not a formal one, or technical one. He even commented on other student who did the presentation board quite technically.

I was a kind of content, knowing that my presentation board is quite unique. BUT, the studio master didn't like it, he asked me on what purpose I did these writings, I told him the reasons but he didn't buy it and he even commented on the inverted title of which he cannot read. Okay, the title is my mistake then.. Lets continue first.

Then he said, it's okay for this time, but he won't see any of these fonts and writings.

There is a female part-time lecturer who also commented on my work. Okay, she did understand the idea of these writings.

She asked my why did the plan were based on these two rotated rectangles, not rotated squares (again!?).

I explained to her that it was derived from the idea of a treasure vault, the initial idea were two squares, but based on many considerations, I turned them into rectangles and..bla..bla.. (like I explained before..).

Well, she didn't buy it, simply because she didn't like the plan, not because my reason is unreasonable. I told her all considerations possible that turned the plan into these two rotated rectangles.

Then she gave such a nonsense answer. She said that I have to follow orders (not orders from a lecturer), she said that the plan should have been two rotated squares, and I cannot made it into rotated rectangles because square is the correct order, like our body made in certain order and scales, or math 1+1 is 2.

Then she said, "don't try to make something out of the orders just because you wanted to look different, like these inverted writings (Da Vinci). God has made Da Vinci's brain with such gifts that he could create his own orders".

Okay, and it's insulting me actually, does she simply means that I desperately trying to look different? And I will never be able to surpass Da Vinci? Is Da Vinci that special?? I believed, that I AM special, I can create my own orders, like Da Vinci did.

I did these inverted writings while fully knowing that Da Vinci did this kind of writings before, but I have my own reason and it has nothing to do with Da Vinci.

And orders that she said, body scale? maths? Yes, we cannot changed them, but this is just a geometric shape, we can freely changed the shape, it has nothing to do with these 'orders' she said. Even Le Corbusier, father of modern architecture ever designed an inverted roof, of which the lowest part is in the middle while roofs should have it's lowest part on their edges.

Humankind can never achieved technology like today if we never tried to create our own order!

In the end of the day, the marks for my design is C+, I asked the studio master why I only got C+?

He said, it's my writings. What the hell!? But he previously said that it was okay, but only for that particular project. And now he gave me C+ because of these writings and fonts I made? He didn't even comment anything about the building, whether the building quality is bad, I didn't follow some requirements, etc. What an unreasonable judgement!

I tried to protest, and I said "Frank Lloyd Wright (an architect) also ever did his own fonts on his presentation board"

And another word comes up of which a lecturer should never say, he said "you are not Frank Lloyd Wright". A lecturer said that to a student? Which means that if you are famous then you will be able to create things by your own. It's the same thing as Da Vinci issue that I was talking about.

Then I replied back, "so if I'm famous I can do anything sir? (even if the quality is poor, people would always said that it's great).

But he turned away from the topic by quickly talking to other lecturer nearby..

Disappointing it is, I hate the idea of 'you are famous, you are wealthy, and you can do anything'.

Let's return to Da Vinci. Maybe yes, he is gifted and his works are amazing. But why doesn't anyone ever think that these praises were made for his fame, not because that his works are really brilliant? He might have few brilliant works, where he gained his fame from, but then people would think that all of his works are brilliant. He is not all original, even he himself borrows the idea of Vitruvian Man from Vitruvius. And most people who know nothing just keep on praising him and his works.

See, the book (and film) The Da Vinci Code, why it's not The 'someone else's' Code?

Well that's how most people fascinated by fame.. Trying not to be a hypocrite, maybe even me, myself also fascinated by his fame as well..

notes: if it's possible, I would scanned my presentation board and upload it here. But it's not possible for the moment because of few problems and issues.. haha..

The Excitement Mechanism

Sunday, January 4, 2009

I've been thinking lately about the excitement mechanism.. It always moves in a simple pattern. What kind of simple pattern? Let me explain it to you..

We, humankind, will first find certain interest for ourselves (let's just call these many interests with 'it'). The closer into we are into 'it' and the more we understand 'it' will get us all excited.

And we are all fully understand that everything have it limits. These interests, will always made people more and more excited about 'it' until we reach the maximum excitement possible or the climax, the limit of 'it'. Then what comes next? Of course a dead end, or a fall down. We might get confused what to do next, or even lost our motivations and interest in 'it'.

Other example, our planet, we keep on build, build, and build it, we decorated our homes, we fill it with our own inventions, we shown our superiority to other inhabitants of our planet. But in the end, these achievements, these prides will be destroyed and we can do nothing about it. Just like the excitement itself, the more we excited, the more me reached the climax, and nothing left after that. The more we build, the faster we will be destroyed.

It's impossible to prevent everything from 'it's own end.. Then why bother rushing? Why don't we just slow down the progress? That way we can get a longer excitement and hopefully we'll get ourselves enough excitement before 'it' ends.

Before our world collapsing.. Isn't it?

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Let's talk about money, coz I'm broke here! S.O.S. need money!! huhahaaha!!

There's a famous quote from Scott Adams, "accept that some days that you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue", which means we should have work hard while we have the time to (the pigeon days), coz we know that one day, there will be a time where we can't do much (the statue days).
It's just like the Islamic philosophy of time management.

And there are some good songs I'd like to talk about, it's about money as well (well, not all these songs actually talks about money). We Hate It When Our Friends Became Successful by Morrissey is a well speculated one, it could be pointed to Morrissey's ex-bandmates, after they sued Morrissey for The Smiths royalties. Morrissey even stated "I've been work so hard after the demise of The Smiths, and you.. how dare you to be successful!" or maybe, the song is pointed to himself, when his friends mocking him for being successful in his old ages.
Well, it's all caused by money, which in the other song that I'm talking, Swing Life Away by Rise Against, Tim McIlrath wrote a lyrics that he'd prefer had something that he even hardly knows called "friends" and he won't trade it for the world. That's the punkrock spirit!

Well honestly, if I'm being asked, to chose money or friends.. I tried not to be a hypocrite and I might choose money! (well..) BUT, as long as I could, I would always try not to throw away my friends, it's hard to get these days you know! Especially for a hard-to-socialize perfectionist like me.. well..